My Ex-husband Got Our House, Car and All Our Money After Divorce – I Laughed Because That Was Exactly What I Planned
Surprisingly, after a contentious marriage characterized by Mike’s fixation with financial fortune, Nicole consents to give him everything in the divorce. However, as Mike celebrates his “victory,” Nicole’s laughing indicates that a covert plot is under way. Mike is unaware that she is ready to make her decisive move.
I left the attorney’s office with a blank face and a hunched over shoulder, looking every bit the devastated ex-wife. It was raining heavily, and the overcast sky reflected my mood, or at least the one I wanted everyone to believe I was in.
I was buzzing inside. I made my way to the elevator, my hands tightly gripping the chilly steel of the door handle. Nobody was in the vicinity. Alright.
With a gentle click, the elevator door closed behind me, and I burst into a small grin as soon as I was by myself. It came out of the blue, unplanned, like a bottle of champagne that had been waiting to be uncorked.
My thoughts about what I had just done intensified, causing me to laugh uncontrollably on the elevator.
Oh no, this was just the beginning. If someone had seen me at that moment, they would have assumed that I had finally lost it and had lost my mind due to the stress. Everything was fitting together flawlessly.
Mike could have the savings, the car, and the house. It was all I had hoped for. The nicest thing was that he felt he had won. He had no idea what was about to happen.
With a jolt, the elevator halted, and I straightened out. I looked at my reflection in the mirrored wall of the elevator: disheveled hair, bleary eyes, and a sliver of a smile hanging on my lips. I was indifferent to it. It was going to be enjoyable.
A couple weeks prior to now…
Not only had Mike and I not been happy for years, but it wasn’t your typical falling out of love. Mike was a slave to his reputation. Wearing only fashionable clothes, owning the biggest house on the block, and driving fancy cars were all important to him.
It was all a performance, and I had put in far too much time playing my role. The breaks were beginning to appear, and as the fights increased in frequency, I realized that the inevitable would eventually occur.
The fact is, I didn’t fear getting divorced. I was familiar with Mike, and I anticipated how this would end.
He had little interest in keeping the marriage intact. Instead, his only goal in life was to succeed – acquire the house, the money, and the divorce.
I really wanted to get away from this ostentatious way of living. However, that did not imply I would allow him to take advantage of me either. I would therefore grant Mike his wish, but with a catch as sharp as a fishhook.
It was a Tuesday at the time. Again, Mike arrived home late. He barged in while I was in the kitchen, pretending to flick through my phone and not bothering to glance up.
“We need to talk.”
I sighed, trying not to seem too bored. “What now?”
He hit the counter with his keys, and I could almost feel his annoyance radiating outward. When things didn’t go his way at work, he would always act like this, and I was the easiest person to attack.
His voice tight and low, “I’m done,” he declared. “I want a divorce.”
My eyes blinked at him. Lastly. I nodded slowly, as if it was only dawning on me, but in all honesty, I had been waiting weeks for this.
“Okay,” was my straightforward response.
He scowled, obviously surprised. Is that all? Not a fight? Not pleading?”
I gave a shrug. “What’s the point?”
He was momentarily disoriented, as though I had diminished his enthusiasm. He was prepared for opposition, for me to beg him to stay.
All I had to do was provide him with enough rope to hang himself.
The divorce talks went exactly as badly as I had anticipated. Mike listed all of his requests as we sat across from one another in a sterile conference room with lawyers on either side of us. It felt like he was reciting a grocery list—the house, the car, the funds.
He had this smug little smile on his face the entire time, as if he expected me to cry any minute.
I answered, not paying attention, “Fine.” “You can have it all.”
My attorney gave me a look that stated, rather obviously, “Are you sure?” However, I simply nodded.
Mike gave a blink. “Wait, what?”
“You can have it, I said. Everything else is mine to keep, save for what I personally own.”
He appeared astonished. “You don’t want the house, do you? or the cash?”
“Nope,” I leaned back in my seat and replied. “It’s all yours.”
His astonishment soon turned to glee. Fantastic. Next, use this afternoon to gather your possessions. That ought to be plenty of time because it’s not much.” Mike looked at his timepiece. “I’ll expect you to be out by six.”
“No issue,” I answered.
He straightened his back and puffed up his chest as if he had won the lotto. And I gave it some thought.
And that reminds me of the occasion when I burst out laughing when I entered the elevator of the attorney’s building.
I took out my phone as soon as I got out of the elevator. After a moment, my fingers lingered over the computer and I quickly typed, “I’m heading to the house to pack up my things.” When it’s time for you to move, I’ll give you a call.
I grinned and pushed send. Now is when the real fun starts.
It turned out to be simpler than I had anticipated to pack up the house. I wanted a few personal objects, mostly mementos that carried memories unblemished by Mike, but not much more. The house always felt more like his than mine, and it was too huge for the two of us anyhow.
When I took up the phone to make the call, I was taping up the last box. Barbara, my mother, picked up on the second ring.
“Hey,” I said in a lighthearted tone. “It’s time.”
After a little silence, Mom’s well-known, direct voice could be heard. “At last. I’ve been anticipating this day.”
Mom found Mike intolerable. The day I introduced them, she saw right through his ostentatious façade. The best thing, though? She had been a part of our home purchase. Mike believed he had done well on it because of her, and now she was going to be the reason he failed.
I looked around after hanging up, feeling a strange sort of comfort. I had had enough playing pretend.
My phone rang the following morning when I was preparing breakfast in my new tiny flat. When Mike’s name appeared on the screen, I grinned.
“Hello?” I said in a kind voice.
“You set me up!” Mike’s voice was so enraged that it was almost bubbling over.
Leaning on the counter, I grabbed a piece of toast and put the phone on speaker. “I’m sorry, what are you talking about?”
He spit out, “Your mother!” “She is in my home right now! Everything has been seized by her!”
“Oh, right,” I murmured while savoring my toast. “Do you recall the contract we signed when she provided the down payment? The one who allows her to reside there whenever and for whatever long she pleases?”
There was a long silence during which I could almost hear his mind’s wheels turning. I could picture his expression as reality set in.
Years before, he had signed the document, his desire for a nice mansion blinding him to the fine print.
“You! You betrayed me! This isn’t the end. I’m heading to the lawyers.
Before he could say anything more, Mom’s voice came over the phone in the background, shrill and biting. “You really ought to remove your feet off that coffee table, Michael! Also, give up hoarding the remote!”
Mike seemed to have turned away from the phone and was trying to speak, as evidenced by the muffled sound. “Barbara, this is my house—”
Mom said, “Oh, hush,” but she was speaking louder now. It’s my home as much as it is yours. In addition, why are there so many inexpensive snacks available? Are you able to buy for groceries? I don’t eat frozen food for dinner.”
I bit my lip to contain my laughter. Mike stammered something nonsensical, hardly able to control his frustration, but before he could say anything more, I heard her once again.
“Also, dim that TV! Do you really think I could listen to that crap all day long? At the very least, turn off the stupid auto programs if you must watch them.
The phone clicked off quickly, then there was a loud crash and more muttering. I sat down at the table, grinning, and took a deep breath.
Never has freedom tasted so good.
